The Chinese and many other cultures considered the Seasons and their shifts in energy as cues as to how they would interact and move with the rhythm of nature around them. Regardless of our age, we all feel this shift – as Spring is upon us, there is an innate desire to try new things, spring clean, eat lighter and cooler foods and be more active. It only makes sense as in winter, our bodies innately tell us to slow down, to move inward, to eat warmer foods, and be less active, IF we are listening.
Adolescence is an incredibly vulnerable phase of life. In Chinese medicine we attribute the changes of puberty to the kidneys. It’s the recalibration of yin and yang. Think of the butterfly that moves into its chrysalis (its hard exterior) to then transform into a beautiful butterfly, again yin into yang. Teenagers feel the need to protect themselves like the chrysalis, because of the deep inner transformation they are experiencing. They tend to sleep more, stay in their rooms because of a deep need for privacy by closing their bedroom doors (all aspects of yin).
At the same time, adolescents are balancing their need for independence, their ability to be more liberated and separate from the dependence stage of childhood moving towards adulthood. They have a need for self-expression, finding their own identity; relationships with friends and social acceptance is also very important (all aspects of yang).
Family relationships and sincere heartfelt listening, are critical at this time. This does not mean that you partially listen while cooking or scrolling through Facebook. Don’t be halfway involved, connect with your eyes, possibly embracing your child with the wisdom you gained from once being a teenager yourself. Connection plays a vital role in relationships and stability between the parent and teen.
Let’s look at the 5 Elements in relation to what your teenager may be experiencing during this time of crisis. The Wood Element corresponds to the Liver and Gallbladder and the season of Spring, which we currently find ourselves in now. So many teens are dealing with frustration and anger because their ability to be expansive and socialize with friends has been somewhat compromised. A strong wood energy helps the individual teen with being independent and if they are struggling to express themselves, their wood is out of balance. This is a good time to allow them to be angry, to express these emotions.
Exercise is incredibly important for them right now to move the stagnant energy of Liver Qi Stagnation because of frustration and anger. Having a routine is important as the Liver is known as the Commander of Qi or energy in the body and thus likes to decide what it does. In this sense the teenager likes and needs to have a sense of control over their routine. Of course there needs to be room for some flexibility, but this is a great time to allow them to create this for themselves, in their quest for independence. This is also an opportunity for parents to set intuitive boundaries while allowing teens to express their independence.
Diet is vital to keep this organ system healthy. So, foods high in additives, sugar, caffeine are all things teenagers should be limiting, not eliminating as they can provide comfort in a time of chaos, but also because this can stagnate the Wood Element. Last, if you have a young female teenager menstruating, being sure to nourish her after her cycle with blood building foods like red meat, berries, spinach or leafy greens, mung beans, beets or red raspberry tea is also a good substitute. This will help her move her liver qi as well.
Next we’ll look at the Fire Element. Remember that Adolescence is a fiery stage of life. Our relationships with our parents are often tumultuous. Yet, very important during this stage when connecting with them in a quality way. Considering what your teen is experiencing, you may decide not to yell at them about washing their dirtied dishes. Instead, ask them to assist you in cooking a meal or to help cleaning up afterward, together as a family. Prioritize the intimacy you can have with your child right now! It’s important while life isn’t as busy. Additionally, during this time it’s important for a healthy Fire Element to communicate with their friends. In fact it’s necessary! Thankfully, they have Face Time and other endless interfaces online and social media that can keep them communicating with friends, much different from my teenage years with beepers and pay phones.
Additionally, stillness is important for the Shen (the Heart), the Fire Element to bring balance to the Fire. The Shen does not do well with melodrama. So being still versus going all the time, can reap wonderful benefits for their hearts. Self-expression is also a facet of this element and so very important in the teenage years. Therefore it’s important to allow them to test out their new identities without criticizing. Hold a safe space for them instead and be accepting. Last, the heart needs laughter, and in order for the Fire element to thrive, it needs laughter and joy so allow for this time with your teenagers.
Next we look at the Earth Element, which relates to stability and nourishment, otherwise known as the Great Mother. For teenagers and adults alike this is a very important time to take on the mothering role towards ourselves in the form of self-care. And even though teenagers need independence, stability is important establishing their role within the family dynamic and in their community. For example, your teenager could help walk the neighbors’ dog, or go grocery shopping for the family or an elderly neighbor, wearing a mask. This helps them feel they have a role and assists with the balance of looking after their own needs while aware of the needs of others.
Diet also plays a very important role because of the Earth elements relationship to the Stomach and Spleen. Establishing a routine in eating habits and assisting in cooking and preparing meals helps with the self-care aspect of this element but also in nourishing the element, much like the mother.
As we move into the Metal Element it’s worthy to reflect on the Chinese character for metal that has two characters beneath the earth that look like leaves on both sides of a plant. This signifies two nuggets of gold buried deep in the earth. In Adolescence, we are moving out of childhood, the dreamer stage, and because of this loss, there exists grief and sadness, and we’re faced with the reality that maybe some of our dreams won’t ever be realized for various reasons. We often are in search of finding meaning and inspiration in this stage of life, we are seeking our higher purpose, understanding the subconscious mind. Teens tend to look forward to retreating to ponder these thoughts. And unfortunately our societal norms for operating during the day don’t coincide with the teenage Circadian rhythm which is different from children and adults. Teenagers don’t start to produce melatonin until 11pm to help them go to sleep and then produce cortisol at 9am to wake up, though most have already been up a couple hours before that preparing for school or up late studying past 11pm. This can injure the Metal element over time. We can also consider asking teenagers “What’s important to you vs. How are you?”
Moving on to the Water Element the teenager is managing fear and anxiety. Often the water element will be deficient when their lives are overstimulated and they have very strict schedules. Therefore, yin deficient teenagers, because of busy schedules, have a hard time being still and they are easily agitated. But now they have more time to sleep and slow down. Downtime can be critical and important to their evolution as teenagers, making this time a perfect opportunity to help them establish this if it didn’t exist before. What constitutes downtime? Something that does not provoke adrenaline and helps their minds ascend downward. Painting, coloring, taking a bath and listening to music, or guided meditation are all good downtime activities.
In closing, rapport and connection are most important at this time. Remember how much is going on under the surface and how this time is thwarting their natural process. Much like the process of Global Warming that we see evident in temperatures rising earlier in the year. Remember that maintaining their friendships is a necessity right now, not a luxury. And give them space to both retreat AND expand.
For more resources on nurturing your child or adolescent please look into Rebecca Avern’s blog www.nurturingtheyoung.com. She is a Chinese Medical practitioner whom has worked with Children and Adolescents in British Columbia for 30 years.
